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Welcome back to the Growing Tree of Life, our weekly exploration of personal growth and well-being.
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Issue Number: #079
Date: 30 July 2024
Reading Time: 4 minutes
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Your Mindset is The Gate to The Life You Either Love or Loathe
Today we’ll explore how our mindset shapes our reality.
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Our mindset acts as the gatekeeper to our experiences. It's the key that either opens the door to a life we love or locks us into a life we loathe. Today, I will look at three things that either hurt our chances at a good life or—if reversed—can turn our life around.
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1. Refusal to Examine Your Beliefs
Our beliefs are formed from the information we encounter. The more we see the source as an 'authority', the stronger the belief. That's okay unless someone questions the validity of that information or brings in opposing information. Automatically refusing to question and dismissing new information without considering its validity is a trap that ensures we fail in the area our belief relates to. This is called Confirmation Bias—the tendency to see what we expect to see and miss even obvious things we don't look for.
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I had an encounter recently that describes it perfectly.
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I was driving on a forest road at night. I had been told there would be a small road to the left that I should take. So, I drove slowly, keeping my eyes on the front left side. After driving for over a mile without finding the road, I returned to the start and called the person expecting me. She said she would come to the road and look for me on the left side.
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As I drove slowly, I still didn't see her. Confused, I stopped and called back. She said she had waved at me as I went past. She then told me to return, and she would stay in the same spot. I drove back, still looking at the same side of the road, and still didn't see anyone. I turned the car and called again, telling her to stay on the line this time. As I drove barely two hundred yards, she said, "Now. Stop. I am on your left." There was no one there! Then, someone knocked on my right window. It was her. She had confused left and right the whole time. Because I was looking for a road and person on the left, I missed them on the right.
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This is what happens when you act on a belief and refuse to question the information the belief is based on.
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For example, if you believe that life is full of hardships, your brain will subconsciously focus on every negative aspect, reinforcing that belief. This keeps you trapped in a cycle where you can’t see opportunities for change or improvement.
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If there is contradictory information—like no road on the left and no person on the left—ASK QUESTIONS! Look for evidence. Question the validity of the information.
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2. Refusal to Accept the Possibility of Change
Are you happy with how your life looks right now? Is your life a complete success? Have you achieved everything you ever wanted? If yes, congratulations. You can skip to the next point.
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But if you find your life—or some part of it—lacking, ask yourself, "Why haven't I been successful in this part of my life? What are the reasons?"
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Here is an exercise for you:
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Write down a list of three things you regret not achieving. Next, make a list of reasons why you didn't achieve these things. Who or what is responsible for the fact that those things didn't turn out as you would have liked?
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Compare these lists. Are there any repeated reasons? Are there any external factors, reasons out of your control? Do any reasons relate to who you are, what you believe, or how you act?
Why am I asking you to write those things down?
Because the biggest obstacle to achievement—any achievement—is the belief that the change must happen outside of you. That for you to succeed there must be a change in government or a company management. That the problem are high prices, high taxes, your partner, your ex, your kids, neighbours, co-workers, system, society or even the God.
Now, I am not saying those things have no impact at all. But there are people who achieved exactly the same things you wanted. So, how did they do it while you haven't? They didn't let the external factors to stop them.
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The biggest obstacle to achievement is believing that change must come from outside.
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Betting everything on external change means you're less likely to find ways to succeed. When you think your circumstances decide your fate, you will stop looking for ways to improve. This mindset keeps you stuck in the same place.
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There is a better way: You can change your life by changing how you think and act. Adopting a growth mindset means believing that you can develop your skills and improve your circumstances. This mindset encourages you to take risks, learn from failures, and push forward. It transforms obstacles into opportunities for growth and helps you build a life you love.
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3. Brooding in Negative Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
If you constantly think about failure, you're likely to behave in ways that lead to that outcome. Negative self-fulfilling prophecies ensure that your pessimistic thoughts manifest in your reality. This cycle of negative thinking and negative outcomes can be hard to break.
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Replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations can significantly impact your outlook. Tell yourself affirmations like, “I can handle this” or “I am capable of change.” This helps to reframe your mindset, making you more resilient and optimistic.
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And there is a tool that helps you to believe that you can—it's gratitude. Gratitude for the things you were able to accomplish.
In my webinar "It's Time to Be Me," there is an exercise focused on creating a "vault of accomplishments." Focusing on gratitude shifts your attention from what you lack to what you have, from what you haven't achieved yet to what you have nailed.
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Think of it as mental hygiene. Just as you wouldn't skip brushing your teeth or taking a shower, your mind deserves the same daily care. A daily gratitude practice is like cleansing your soul; it washes away the negativity and lets you start fresh each day. This simple activity can dramatically improve your mood and outlook on life, making you more appreciative and positive.
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Today's Tip:
Your mindset is the gatekeeper of your life's experiences.
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- Ask questions,
- challenge your beliefs,
- focus on cultivating a growth mindset,
- practice positive affirmations, and
- maintain a daily gratitude journal.
By doing so, you’ll open the gate to a life filled with opportunities, growth, and happiness.
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While life’s challenges won’t magically disappear, adopting these positive strategies will equip you with the tools to handle them better. Remember, it’s all about where you choose to direct your focus and energy.
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It's not about where you are now. It's about where you are heading.
Your destination becomes your destiny.
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That’s all for today. Thank you for reading, and see you next Tuesday.
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Lubo
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