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Are you lonely ?

Issue Number: #070
Date: 24 May 2024
Reading Time: 3 minutes

There's an epidemic of loneliness. You might feel it yourself or notice it in others who seem to have nobody. The main issue is that many people feel lonely even when surrounded by others.

Loneliness isn't about being alone; it's about feeling that we don't have anyone who truly has our back.

Even if we're always there for others, when we are in a tight spot we might feel there's no one we can rely on. This feeling affects both, children and adults. Many of us go through life without a sense of support, either desperately searching for someone who will be there for us or refusing to rely on anyone because we've been let down before.

We all play superheroes for others — friends, family, coworkers. But when the chips are down, do we have our own superhero?

When we try to be there for others but don't get the same in return, we become tired and shut down. Simply saying we need to be there for others won't solve it because we've tried and felt let down. However, if we stop trying, we'll never make those connections. So, what's the solution?

In the Bible is a verse describing what happens when we fear something: "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me." Life’s like a cosmic bank account. The energy we put in — trust, vulnerability, kindness or fear, anxiety, withdrawal from others — is what we get back. Sometimes with interest and sometimes our deposits are eaten by inflation. If we put in only the negatives — if we shut down and stop showing up — that's what we will get back. We will only meet closed-off people. To find genuine connections we have to remain open. The energy we put out into the world is what we get back.

But there is a way to counter this problem.

Imagine three poses: arms crossed (distrust), arms wide open (vulnerability), and hands by your sides (cautious openness). The sweet spot? Cautious openness at the start and finding out their values. Because the real connection cannot be built on emotions.

When your values don't match, the connection will not withstand the storms of life.

Be approachable, but not gullible.
When someone’s open, lean in.
When they’re closed, respect their bubble.

Today’s Tip:

Cautious Openness

Be cautiously open. Don’t lock up your heart, but don’t fling it wide open either.

Observe, listen, and match the vibe. If they’re guarded, don’t force your arms open. If they’re all in, meet them there. And if they’re cautiously open, mirror their style.
Remember, true connection isn’t about risking everything. It is about matching values and finding that sweet spot of openness.

What about you? How are your connections? Do you feel lonely and abandoned by everyone? Or are you one of those who have someone you can rely on? Let me know.

That's all for today. See you next Thursday and thank you for reading!


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